I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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