Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
