theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
