She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
