Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
