Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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