i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
