hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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