you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize