Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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