plz talk dirty to me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
