did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just had sex on a roof
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
