Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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