Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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