She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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