have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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