i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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