His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
