Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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