And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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