Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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