best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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