she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's the barista slut.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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