Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
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Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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