she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
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Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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