They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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