hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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