Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
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I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
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Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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