just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
