You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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