somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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