my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize