How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
