Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
