I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
