America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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