I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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