Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
