proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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