You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
