when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
