he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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