one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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