As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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