sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
