The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize