I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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