Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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