I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Houston, we have a squirter
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
