apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
