69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
