Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
