You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
