we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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