Well douche your snatch and let's go!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
