I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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