Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
