Swine flu is the new snow day.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
