Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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