A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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