Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
