Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
