It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
